Be honest. If it’s 2024 and you’re single and interested in dating, you’ve been on at least one dating site. (If you haven’t, I’d love to shake your hand.) I long gave up the idea of meeting my soulmate in the produce aisle. Years ago when dating apps first hit the scene, there was something cool about them. They were a new, cool way to view possibilities that we wouldn’t otherwise have. There were more fish in the proverbial sea, and there was some excitement to meet a non-dud. The bar scene got stale and dating apps were fresh. I can’t remember which dating app I tried first, but I was intrigued. Although I never met a long-term partner, I did meet some really great guys – like, we actually met in person, something that seems to be fleeting these days. We chatted (on the phone!), planned a time and safe place to meet, and actually got to know each other. If we hit it off, we met again. It wasn’t super difficult. But something has changed.
Today’s online dating scene can be nightmarish. There’s an impulse to swipe left and right so quickly it’s like you’re auditioning for a Fast & Furious cameo. “Choices” not only seem innumerable, but they’ve become disposable. Have you ever talked to someone for weeks, feel like you’re building a connection, and then you never hear from that person again? What happened? This concept of swipe, swipe, swipe presents a false reality that there is always someone better, and we’re quick to jump ship when the grass seems like it could be greener with someone else. Today, it’s a swipe, match, text transaction and then….usually nothing. Most often, it never leads to anything. Most singles who are truly interested in meeting and getting to know someone will undoubtedly reach a point of mental, dating fatigue. It’s like an unpaid second job with no benefits.
Swiping Left on Love? I get it.
I want to return to dating basics where people take more time to get to know someone’s character and less time in rapid swiping mode. I wonder if we will return to a world where that’s a real possibility. It’s good to be out socializing and enjoying the element of chance. It’s much more chill.
So how do we find a balance between the freak nasty dating app trends that exist today combined with the real chance to meet and get to know someone? Is there a way to optimize online dating? Right now, those looking to solve this problem on a mass scale are exploring how dating apps can collect more of our personal preferences to use in algorithms that prove more fruitful, but giving up more and more of our information online doesn’t sit well with a lot of us.
But would we be up for it IF there was an increased chance of viewing profiles that more effectively present the opportunity to meet a great partner?
Personally, I don’t know. Like many singles in my age group, I’ve made peace with my singledom. My focus is on creating a fulfilling life that exists without a partner. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that a part of my heart (and other body parts) would like to meet that someone to experience life’s adventures – the good and the bad.
The End Result
The dating apps that exist today, and dating behavior in general, are pretty awful. But yup, I’m still on one of them. I can’t control other’s dating behaviors, but I can control mine and I choose to date in a much more old-school manner. I can’t deal with endless texting. I prefer a phone call at some point. And if I share who I am with someone I like, I’ll do so cautiously, but I’ll continue to do it because I refuse to let the very real possibility of ghosting change that. I also refuse to allow it to get me down. My singledom relies on a healthy version of me.
Note: the picture for this post is from 2008, which may have been my last really fun dating experience. (We met in Italy…and yes, there’s a cute story there but it too ends with ghosting.)
